My “Give a Fuck” has been broken for as long as I can remember.  The true question is this a good or a bad thing?  I honestly can’t remember being inspired to do anything and truly commit to it for such a long time.  I’m starting to really feel dead inside.

I make changes.  I go where I feel that I need to be.  Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be doing me a damn bit of good at the present time.  I honestly just have no clue what to do anymore.  I know my end goals, yet getting there is such a pain in the ass that I have trouble pushing forward through the mundane in order to get there.

On my last serious break up, I pretty much just shrugged my shoulders and said fuck it.  Paths were going in different cardinal directions and I had to do what was best for me at that point in time.  Long run it probably was a retard move but can’t dwell on that too much.  I did the same with my previous job at Logitech.  It would have been great to keep that job but I honestly couldn’t hack it anymore.  I just lost the will for it.  It seems I’ve really lost the will for my career.

I’m lost and stranded.  I’m in mostly a sea of strangers.  I have friends, but most of my communications with them are through texts or instant messages.  I’ve become a recluse.  Going out seems like a chore for me.  I don’t really know how to get out of that funk.  So many average people you meet when out and about just drive me insane.

I know where I want to be in a decade or so.  I know what I have to do in order to get there.  The question is can I force myself through a well paying 40 hour a week job to get there?  I take a job within the career and I end up with 60+ hour work weeks, leaving me very little time to take care of my own self.  I can do the things I want but I’m usually too burned out to actually accomplish something for myself.  I find that this is the worst part of the career I ended up on.

I’ve recently gotten a possible opportunity, to move yet again, for a job.  This one is just a maintenance position.  Take over the admin duties of a linux admin job for the Fed Govt again.  Something that I don’t have to really think about.  Easy day to day tasks.  Hopefully a good salary.  Down side is it happens to be in a state I’ve never lived in.  One that I’ve always given shit for being that state.  One that does bring back memories of visiting.

Normally I’d just say fuck it and go.  Yet this time I’m not completely certain.  It’d probably be the toughest move I’ve ever had to deal with.  Having to dodge certain people that live there.  Having to make a completely new group of friends from scratch.

Then there’s the part of me that says “you have Daffy, you can survive and make life good for both of you.”  I have no clue what I would do without my dog anymore.  My true friend that is always there and gives puppy kisses lovingly.