Since I’m such a Lovecraft fanatic why not use that for the basic idea? Since I’m also a huge fan of ambient, minimal and noise I can slowly build it up throughout the show until at the end the people in the crowd can dance as I switch from my music to DJing other music.

I was talking to Nelly yesterday and she gave me the final idea. I still have that unfinished lsd song that I screwed around with. As the performance goes on it can be inferred that this is really a Lovecraftian acid trip gone very bad. You can watch as the main “character” goes from the start of hell to the point that they understand that nothing is really real and need to start enjoying themselves.

So far it’s just in the basics stage and I really need to start writing the full ideas out along with a time line to see how much music I need to write and the sort of weird shit the performers can do along with it. I also need to reread a bunch of Lovecraft to brush up on the whole mythos and the sensations I wish convey.

Right now I feel as I did before I move out west from Washington DC.  That is just being pure miserable, annoyed at everything and just all around depressed.  All of these things lead to me being self destructive and it just gets worse as time goes on.  I started thinking about this several months ago.  I’ve been seeing a doctor for personal reasons to try to get some of my problems sorted out and haven’t really been able to find the right solution to the issue at hand.

While it may sound crazy but San Diego is going to become what San Francisco was supposed to become.  This is my new Mecca.  Where things can change for me.  Obviously that failed the first time around but I fell into some pretty shitty situations once I got here.  Those just compounded onto the partying and one thing lead to another to where I’m at now.

Very recently things just fell into place almost perfectly for me.  A clown friend, from when I lived in the ware house, moved back to San Diego from Tennessee and needed a place.  I need to clear my head and change how I actually live my life.  Living with him is always awesome and good times.  We mesh very well on a lot of topics.  So I made a list of reasons why this is what I need to get my head straightened out and my body sobered up.

• More out doors
• Performing again
• Having a garden
• Hunting
• Hiking
• Camping
• Being able to do more DIY projects
• Warmer weather

These are really just the basics.  I said to someone the other day while dealing with all of this that “I need to put the farm back in the boy.”  Yes I always claim to be white trash and I did grow up on farms.  Getting back down to some basics, but still having the urban environment that I crave, will be exactly what needs to be ordered and served.  The only person who can do this is me.

It’s going to be weird like when I moved here that I won’t have Internet access at home.  I think this is a wonderful thing as it will make me start to do more, motivate me to stop wasting so much time.  I’m sure my phone will go off with meebo and texts and phone calls, but that’s easy enough to leave in my bedroom while I work outside.  I can also take my iPad with me to get a cup of coffee in the mornings and get my news that way.  Just like I did on my first major move in my life.

I could have always gone back home to Virginia but why would I move backwards?  I know I could rely on my sister to give me a hand, a couch to crash on, or even food.  That’s just not how I am though I need to continue to move forward.  I need to achieve my life’s goals and I need to do it while I’m happy not pissed off all the time.

Edit from Jan 2012:  This failed horribly.  Lessons have been learned.