Right now I feel as I did before I move out west from Washington DC.  That is just being pure miserable, annoyed at everything and just all around depressed.  All of these things lead to me being self destructive and it just gets worse as time goes on.  I started thinking about this several months ago.  I’ve been seeing a doctor for personal reasons to try to get some of my problems sorted out and haven’t really been able to find the right solution to the issue at hand.

While it may sound crazy but San Diego is going to become what San Francisco was supposed to become.  This is my new Mecca.  Where things can change for me.  Obviously that failed the first time around but I fell into some pretty shitty situations once I got here.  Those just compounded onto the partying and one thing lead to another to where I’m at now.

Very recently things just fell into place almost perfectly for me.  A clown friend, from when I lived in the ware house, moved back to San Diego from Tennessee and needed a place.  I need to clear my head and change how I actually live my life.  Living with him is always awesome and good times.  We mesh very well on a lot of topics.  So I made a list of reasons why this is what I need to get my head straightened out and my body sobered up.

• More out doors
• Performing again
• Having a garden
• Hunting
• Hiking
• Camping
• Being able to do more DIY projects
• Warmer weather

These are really just the basics.  I said to someone the other day while dealing with all of this that “I need to put the farm back in the boy.”  Yes I always claim to be white trash and I did grow up on farms.  Getting back down to some basics, but still having the urban environment that I crave, will be exactly what needs to be ordered and served.  The only person who can do this is me.

It’s going to be weird like when I moved here that I won’t have Internet access at home.  I think this is a wonderful thing as it will make me start to do more, motivate me to stop wasting so much time.  I’m sure my phone will go off with meebo and texts and phone calls, but that’s easy enough to leave in my bedroom while I work outside.  I can also take my iPad with me to get a cup of coffee in the mornings and get my news that way.  Just like I did on my first major move in my life.

I could have always gone back home to Virginia but why would I move backwards?  I know I could rely on my sister to give me a hand, a couch to crash on, or even food.  That’s just not how I am though I need to continue to move forward.  I need to achieve my life’s goals and I need to do it while I’m happy not pissed off all the time.

Edit from Jan 2012:  This failed horribly.  Lessons have been learned.

I had forgotten what good music it is. Unfortunately I forgot that they are fans of the single eight bar loop played over and over while Genesis P-Orridge sings some rather off the wall crap, and the occasional sound out burst from other samples or instrumentation. Perhaps it was how tired I was but I couldn’t really get into it too much, not enough to dance, only bob my head. All in all I’m glad I got to see them. Chalk yet another band off my list that I have to see before either they, or I, die.

I’ve created Daffy’s page on hatred. This means that her dog collar now has 100% legitimate information. Registered with pet link, collared, has a tag, now she just needs her rabies shots, which she’s too young for. Just need to watch out for those Rabbis or else she might get infected *g*

One final note. Seems a lot of my neighbors have moved, probably due to the bad economy and needing something cheaper to live in, but there are these Iraqi’s next to me. I was taking out some trash and as usual I let Daffy follow me, she’s not going to be able to get out of the apartment building. The neighbors opened their door for some reason and all of a sudden she was like “ooh! open door and no leash!” She charged in all tail wagging, low to the ground showing she wasn’t a threat and everyone in there freaked out and started jumping on couches. I couldn’t stop laughing at it because Daffy was just being a puppy and wanting to meet new people. Oh the joys of fatherhood.

With that said, Ableton also released Live version 8.  Damn it has quite a few things that I’ve wanted.  Hopefully Ernie can keep me focused long enough to collaborate on a track or two this year, and see what comes of that.  I really shouldn’t be thinking about spending money, but I can’t help it.  Some things just give you that gear lust and there’s no going back.