Yesterday I took Daffy to Action K9 Sports up in Escondido.  It was her first time to really be on a farm, and actually get to deal with cows, goats and sheep.  The purpose for heading up that way?  To see if she has a good instinct to chase and herd animals.  Of course she does, it’s what she was bred for.

Daffy did absolutely wonderful.  She has the instinct, she needs to do this.  Unfortunately I’m the one that needs to learn more.  I’m not that great at it.  With time I’m certain that will change.

Daffy got to chase sheep twice yesterday and had a blast.  She was so happy all day out there.  Makes me wish that we lived on a farm just so she could have this every day.  Maybe one day in the future she will.

She and I got there stupid early so we went walking through one of the fields and through a dry creek bed on the property.  While in the creek bed she saw a lizard and charged at it.  Once she caught it she consumed the little devil in no time flat.  It cracked me up.

Looks like for the next few months we’ll be going every other Saturday.  She’ll be a great herding dog

Yesterday I started to think about the sort of show, music and oddity I’d like to do with my first true circus show. One completely created by myself with my ideas and outlines.

Since I’m such a Lovecraft fanatic why not use that for the basic idea? Since I’m also a huge fan of ambient, minimal and noise I can slowly build it up throughout the show until at the end the people in the crowd can dance as I switch from my music to DJing other music.

I was talking to Nelly yesterday and she gave me the final idea. I still have that unfinished lsd song that I screwed around with. As the performance goes on it can be inferred that this is really a Lovecraftian acid trip gone very bad. You can watch as the main “character” goes from the start of hell to the point that they understand that nothing is really real and need to start enjoying themselves.

So far it’s just in the basics stage and I really need to start writing the full ideas out along with a time line to see how much music I need to write and the sort of weird shit the performers can do along with it. I also need to reread a bunch of Lovecraft to brush up on the whole mythos and the sensations I wish convey.

I’ve been here for a few days now. The holiday is finally over so now I can take care of everything that really needs to be taken care of. Everything being closed yesterday was a huge pain in the ass but at least the fruit stands were open and I got two pounds of awesome nectarines for 99 cents.

Once 9am hits everything I need to be open will be. Post office, bank, hard ware store and I’m sure there will be more to do.

Living back in the barrio is great. This is definitely a poorer working class hood. Everyone I’ve run into has been very nice and friendly. There’s a very odd thing about here. You can walk down a block and see some really well taken care of properties then just an abandoned one that is falling apart in the middle of where you wouldn’t think to see it.

Just like my move to San Francisco pretty much started in a warehouse and living with a clown the same situation is happening here. My new spot is a warehouse space but so much nicer than 212 Clara. I’m also living with the same clown. Everything in the place is slowly coming together and I’m sure in a few months this will be a very sweet spot to live inside.

I’m making some pretty big life changes right now.  I’ve realized that I have quite a few problems yet again and I need to get them sorted out before I do something really fucking stupid.  I’m sure it would be epic stupidity considering how I feel right now.

Right now I feel as I did before I move out west from Washington DC.  That is just being pure miserable, annoyed at everything and just all around depressed.  All of these things lead to me being self destructive and it just gets worse as time goes on.  I started thinking about this several months ago.  I’ve been seeing a doctor for personal reasons to try to get some of my problems sorted out and haven’t really been able to find the right solution to the issue at hand.

While it may sound crazy but San Diego is going to become what San Francisco was supposed to become.  This is my new Mecca.  Where things can change for me.  Obviously that failed the first time around but I fell into some pretty shitty situations once I got here.  Those just compounded onto the partying and one thing lead to another to where I’m at now.

Very recently things just fell into place almost perfectly for me.  A clown friend, from when I lived in the ware house, moved back to San Diego from Tennessee and needed a place.  I need to clear my head and change how I actually live my life.  Living with him is always awesome and good times.  We mesh very well on a lot of topics.  So I made a list of reasons why this is what I need to get my head straightened out and my body sobered up.

• More out doors
• Performing again
• Having a garden
• Hunting
• Hiking
• Camping
• Being able to do more DIY projects
• Warmer weather

These are really just the basics.  I said to someone the other day while dealing with all of this that “I need to put the farm back in the boy.”  Yes I always claim to be white trash and I did grow up on farms.  Getting back down to some basics, but still having the urban environment that I crave, will be exactly what needs to be ordered and served.  The only person who can do this is me.

It’s going to be weird like when I moved here that I won’t have Internet access at home.  I think this is a wonderful thing as it will make me start to do more, motivate me to stop wasting so much time.  I’m sure my phone will go off with meebo and texts and phone calls, but that’s easy enough to leave in my bedroom while I work outside.  I can also take my iPad with me to get a cup of coffee in the mornings and get my news that way.  Just like I did on my first major move in my life.

I could have always gone back home to Virginia but why would I move backwards?  I know I could rely on my sister to give me a hand, a couch to crash on, or even food.  That’s just not how I am though I need to continue to move forward.  I need to achieve my life’s goals and I need to do it while I’m happy not pissed off all the time.

Edit from Jan 2012:  This failed horribly.  Lessons have been learned.